Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Who Am I?

Recently a newly acquired friend was scrolling through my Facebook postings. We came across an article of sorts, in which I listed out several unknown or hidden aspects of my life, and my personality. This particular posting happens to be several years old, and I had completely forgotten that I'd even posted it, let alone the content and information I'd written. So with a slightly increased heartbeat, I went to the posting and read through it.

I quickly realized one thing: most of what I'd written back then was no longer true. Certain fears I had, and insecurities that I never thought I'd leave behind were now so far in the past that the idea of agonizing over these issues at all seemed completely foreign to me. And it got me thinking that maybe I should revise that post. After all, the person that my new friend had just read about was no longer the same person that I am today. Frankly, I'm surprised that she even recognized me as the same creation that I had been so long ago.

So now I've decided to fill you in on a few of the things that I know to be true of myself, the person I've grown to be over the years.

- I am a daughter of the Almighty God.
- I am still learning to understand what this means.
- I have come to recognize -and depend on- God's interventions in my life more now than I ever had before.
- I have had many hardships in my 22 years of living, some harder than others.
- I have learned what its like to grieve, and I've felt the hurt of losing someone I loved.
- I love the color green, but my favorite color scheme is brown, tan, teal, and turquoise.
- I have a hot temper, and a short fuse.
- I spend lots of time dreaming of what my life will be like in the years to come.
- I try not to sweat the small stuff, but I usually do.
- I can never quite figure out where I belong, or what my contributions are.
- I am definitely an animal person.
- I don't regret things, even some of my biggest mistakes. Because regretting means not learning, and not learning means I might make that mistake again.
- It takes me a long time to forgive people. Myself included.
- I don't really know what it is that makes people like me.
- I HATE being lied to. I hate finding out that some thing-or someone- I thought was true, is actually a lie.
- However, I still believe that people can be honest without being unnecessarily hurtful.
- I tend to be a very pessimistic person, and its hard for me to look on the bright side.
- I have an amazing husband who complements me more than I thought possible.
- I am a bit OCD sometimes.
- I love lists. They make me feel secure.
- I follow my Dad's advice: Its better to do things right the first time, even if it takes a bit longer to do it.
- I believe that puzzles help me make sense of the world.
- I am slowly realizing the creative potential that I possess, and that it's OK for me to not be a painter, actor, singer, potter, sculptor, sketch artist, or master costume maker like my siblings.
- I am currently a housewife. Someday I hope to be a stay at home mother, as well.
- I am slightly scared of having children. And I'm terrified of the possibility of being unable to conceive.
- I make a lot of the mistakes of my parents. This scares and frustrates me.
- I feel complete when I am at the ocean, or in the mountains.
- I will be a marine biologist someday.
- I have a bucket list. It isn't complete yet.
- I am still learning who I am, and where my life is going to go.

As you can tell, this is a pretty sizeable list. However, it is in no way extensive, and there are still many more areas of myself that haven't been expressed here. Some of them I haven't discovered yet, some of them I still don't fully understand. I may never understand everything about myself. However, I take solace in knowing that there's someone else who DOES know all of me, and understands every single piece. It is encouraging and strengthening to know that my God knows me in ways that no one else could even fathom. I don't have to explain myself to him, because he knows already. This makes my uncertainty so much easier to handle. I am still learning about who I am, and why I think, feel, say, and do the things I do. But I'm lucky enough to have a Redeemer who already knows the answers to my questions.

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb." Jeremiah 1:5

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

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